In this post we will take you three steps you can take to provide yourself with healthy protection to stop you caring about others judgments about you. These represent three big pathways that we can take clients down with Kinesiology, if they are relevant to your underlying stress.
Why Others Judgment Rattle You
A top concern that we support our Kinesiology clients with is to help them to stop worrying about what others think of them. There is often a lot of confusion about what is the underlying stress driving feeling sensitive to judgment and how to change it.
The truth is that feel self-conscious to the judgments of others relates to why you feel you need their approval.
Since most people are judgmental, people being judgmental is not going to be able to be changed or avoided. A person’s degree of judgment can relate to many of the person issuing the judgment and may include qualities such as level of insight, missing information, degree of self-awareness, their previous experience, their amount of repressed stress, personal stress in the now and in the past & whether they are capable of being open minded.
This information that most people’s general baseline for functioning includes being judgemental is not meant to alarm you. It is helpful though to point out that trying to avoid others judgements is impossible and if you tried to, this would be extremely stressful and exhausting.
The real underlying stress for you to address is the underlying cause of the stress (needing others approval), which is balancing WHY you need other’s approval.
Needing others approval can lead to feeling extra vulnerable in communicating and being honest with others and also leads to hiding away parts of yourself that you don’t feel will be liked.
Why you need someone else’s is approval is unique and why I love and practice Kinesiology as we can always get down to where and why you feel this kind of underlying stress and what we can do to begin to shift and dissolve this.
This is such as powerful area to work on with Kinesiology as being sensitive to other’s judgment really limits what is possible for you as life always will always include other people (and their judgments).
Avoiding judgement and not addressing the underlying stress will always lead to a sense of being trapped and not being free to be yourself.
True Confidence and Self-Esteem Is An Inside Job
When you are extremely sensitive to other’s judgments this is in part because much of your self-worth is being derived from factors outside of yourself.
This might look like fulfilling roles and expectations, achievements and pursuing what others want for us, rather than what we would prefer. Often this can come from parents, but sometimes others feel pressure from peer groups or pressure from social norms.
What beliefs about self am I sourcing from outside of me?
A test of your true self-esteem or confidence is how you feel about self when all the shiny objects, relationships and achievements are pulled away from you.
Whilst such choices and pursuits can be healthy when pursued from balance (and not to fill a void), the true test of your self-esteem and confidence, would be how you feel without them.
A really simple example might be a millionaire feeling extreme financial stress versus someone still in debt, but the person who is in debt feels grateful for what they have and reports no financial stress.
In this area of life, this shows that even at such different levels of wealth, if you do have any personal insecurities attached to this external source of worth, they will be exposed sooner or later as it’s likely you can’t compensate with the external source forever.
Believing in You More Than Others
Another key ingredient to inoculate you against being sensitive to other’s judgments is to believe in yourself more than others. This is not competitive or adversarial and it doesn’t mean you are better than or less than others, it just means you have strong healthy loving connection with you.
When you have this ingredient, you will also believe your viewpoint rather than others. When you don’t doubt yourself and you can trust your own discernment then other’s misinformed information about you, is never going to unnerve you.
It’s a bit like if someone called you a giraffe and you know you are not a giraffe so you think its odd and humorous.
Letting Go of Disempowering Beliefs
Lastly, sometimes what is getting in the way of us believing in ourselves more than others is disempowering or unhealthy beliefs that brings us down, rather than support us.
If we have been holding on to the same familiar beliefs for so long, we sometimes forget they are imaginations or fiction and are convinced that our disempowering beliefs are truth.
You can ask yourself this confidence boosting question:
What would I have to believe to be true, to not believe their judgments?
Some disempowering beliefs that come up in Kinesiology sessions and get in the way of you believing in you include:
- I need to feel valued by others
- I am not good enough to be loved
- I must support others
We hope this has helped!
Above are some very key (but not all) factors in involved in unlearning worrying about what others think of you.
It can be a tough cookie to crack alone sometimes and it’s a developmental milestone that all of us usually need to do some work on, especially if we are leaping to new levels in of change in different areas of our lives.
Change can be challenging and exposing and that is why we love supporting our Kinesiology clients through these transitions.
Often it can feel uncomfortable but it always leads to inspiring transformations where we would stay very stuck if we couldn’t get past being sensitive to the threat of other’s judgments.
If you need any support with navigating above which can be a bit of a minefield at times, our team would love to support. Please jump over to the “Book Now” Tab if you would like to book in a consultation.
© Rachel Smith & Core Kinesiology & Natural Therapies 2018